Turn Awkward Family Chats Into Job Leads for Your Kid (DF#193)

Hannah Maruyama [00:00:00]:
Welcome back. Welcome back to Degree Free Parents. So today we're going to be talking about how to turn barbecue small talk into actual job leads for your child at family or friend functions that are going to be happening this summer. One of the things that parents always say, and I hear this a lot, I was actually just talking to a mom about this and she said that she kind of dreads going to any sort of family get togethers during this time of year because her son is not really sure what he's going to be doing and she hates fielding the questions. And then she also stresses about the fact that he's not sure what to say. And then she feels bad because he feels self conscious because he's not really sure how to handle the questions either. Because we really as a society pressure young adults to have the answers to questions that they shouldn't have the answers to yet. And so this is a quick reminder that family barbecues are actually really low pressure ways to help network for your child.

Hannah Maruyama [00:00:48]:
Because the thing is, your network is actually who you know, and that's what we're going to talk through today. So kids dread the oh, so what are you going to do? Or so what are you doing now? Or whatever version of that you prefer. Because teens innately, they fear judgment and comparison from other people. Their brains are really wired for peer status. And so they don't want to be held up against other people because honestly, who does? You? And I don't want to do that either. So really the thing that we need to teach them here is how to reframe that question and make it an invitation to get people to ask questions as opposed to indict their life choices or judge them about what they're doing. So the parents role here is to model being curious instead of criticism. And one of the best ways to do that is not asking that question of other young adults, even though it's a really socially acceptable way to ask a young adult what they're doing and what's going on.

Hannah Maruyama [00:01:36]:
Find more creative ways to ask and inquire about what they're doing, what they're learning, what their career path is, because then your child will be a little bit more resilient to the judgment that comes when people ask that question. Because instead of asking other adults what they do for work because their identity is not their job, we should ask them if they have pets or hobbies or what their, what their big project they're working on now or what show they've been watching. That actually tells us a lot more about who they are than what they do for work. Here's the 15 second pitch that you can give your child so that you can teach them how to be polite but confident. So for instance, the formula here that we're going to use is a right now action plus a short term goal, plus a long term vision. Okay? So right now what I'm doing for the short term so that I can get to this place. So for example, I'm interning at a local H vac shop this summer. I'm learning the trade and then saving for my control tech cert.

Hannah Maruyama [00:02:25]:
And there's different variations of this, right? Like right now I'm waiting tables and that's so I can save money so that I can spend the time to learn. Software development so that I'm able to go get an entry level help desk or QA position works just as well. So what are you doing now? Short term goal, long term vision. And as silly as it sounds, if your child doesn't want to practice this, because I can totally get why they wouldn't, then you can just say it. Oh, well, she's nannying this summer and she's doing that so that she can save up money to go get her grooming certification so she can start her small business. Right? You see a very clear okay, this is what they're doing now. This is the short term goal that's serving and then this is the long term vision of the future. And to be honest, if you have that answer altogether, that's a lot more clear than most college students have nowadays.

Hannah Maruyama [00:03:06]:
Remind your child that having an answer to this question is not bragging, it's just clarity. Because people are going to ask, especially if your child is on a degree free path that's getting more and more interesting to other people and they're going to be curious about how your child's doing it. And honestly, it's probably because their child should be doing something similar to your child, but they just haven't yet. And so they're kind of trying to de risk and explore the situation by seeing if what your child's doing looks better, more impressive or even more productive than what their child is doing. And the likelihood that it is is very high. So here, the way you can really emphasize that too as a parent is to avoid filler words and being apologetic. Oh well, I'm just this, oh well, hopefully all this. No, I'm doing this so that I can do this so that long term I'm going to accomplish this goal and as a parent really you should have your, your child's little, oh, well, they're doing this action right now so they can accomplish this short term goal, so then they can do this thing long term.

Hannah Maruyama [00:03:57]:
Then you'll feel confident and proud, and then your child will feel confident and proud because they're going to hear that in your voice when you tell people what they're doing. Okay. At family gatherings. And this is not, not always specifically family, if it's a small family gathering, sometimes this isn't the case. But if it's something where there's extended people or new people that you don't really know that well, then you never know who's going to be an excellent opportunity for your child. So it's a good idea to talk to people that are new these functions, especially if your child is kind of interested in what they're doing. So conversations that they can use. What projects are you working on at your job this year? Or how did you start at that company? Or how did you start doing that job? And that's such a good way for them to also just be curious about whether other people do and practice their vocational creativity muscle so that they can learn about jobs that they've probably never heard of.

Hannah Maruyama [00:04:42]:
And then parents, you can do the same thing. A great small talk question that you can use to ask people is what are you working on at your job? And then see what they say and then say, oh, how did you learn to do that? Oh, how did you start there? And then you're going to discover a lot about how people actually get in the room. But also if they were able to get their first opportunity by someone giving them an opening, then your child may have the same opportunity as well, if that's within the power of the person you're talking to. But also, sometimes I have noticed and people will tell me this, but oftentimes there are young adults who just don't know what their extended family even does for work. And oftentimes it'd be a great fit for them. They just don't know that they do it. So have them be curious and ask, you know, your, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, what they're doing at work, because a lot of times your kids don't know what they do. And then this is a super low risk way for you to teach your child how to effectively network.

Hannah Maruyama [00:05:32]:
So have them, especially if this is someone who's an extended family member or extended friend of the family, just have them write down on their phone like their name and then what the job is and Then a follow up question for them and then get their phone number and have them text the person or even their email and then just ask them for an introduction. Ask them for a little bit more information about their solar projects or their apprenticeship openings or their sales positions or their design positions. If they're really interested in it and the person has expressed that they're actually hiring, have them ask for an interview introduction and say, oh, hey, you know, Aunt Sadie, I'm really interested in this. Would you mind looking at my resume and then giving me an introduction to your HR hiring person? So easy. That's such an amazing way for your child to one, get an interview even if they decide not to take it. But two, just stretch the muscle of asking for things that they may be interested in. And parents too. Don't write the texts, don't write the emails.

Hannah Maruyama [00:06:22]:
Make sure your child does this for themselves, but encourage them to do this because it's really, like I said, such a low risk way for them to actually practice networking, the same way they would when they start going to actual networking events or actual business events. And this way too, they're able to uncover opportunities for themselves if they're interested and you just tell them, oh, well, this is how you follow up with them to ask. It may just not have occurred to them to ask a family member in that way. And if they never ask, they're never going to get. So have them try. Now one of the big things that happens at these events, and I think probably most people have been a victim of this, but let's sidestep the cousin comparison. So equipping your young adult with the pivot line, like, oh, I'm, I'm blazing my own trail. So when they say, oh, well, so and so is going to college or why aren't you going to college, just say, oh, I'm just paving my own path or oh, I just want to do something a little more specific or a little more custom.

Hannah Maruyama [00:07:10]:
That's a good one too, because to be quite honest, most degree free young adults are actually doing things that are much more unique and much more interesting than college students. Because college students are choosing from a preset menu and degree for young adults are really customizing what they're doing. And so their learning is a lot more dynamic and usually a lot more comprehensive than a college student. So it is more interesting. And all they have to do is humbly say, oh, well, I'm just tailoring my education a little bit more. Then brace yourself for the inevitable questions you're going to get when you say that about what your young adult is doing after high school. So the big thing too is in your family culture, instead of titles or celebrating those types of things, celebrate actual progress milestones like, oh, okay, well, you know, you got a raise or you got promoted, or you're, you know, you're learning this skill or you got this sir or this license as opposed to, oh well, you know, you're, you graduated high school, oh well, you graduated college. Like not.

Hannah Maruyama [00:08:01]:
I'm not saying that families shouldn't celebrate those things as well, but just putting more emphasis on the actual growth progress as opposed to labels. I think this is especially important too when you have one child who's degree free and one child who's going to college. And ironically enough, one of the ways that it does matter is when your college student child is not doing as well as your degree free child. This is where progress milestones really help. Because just because they're in college and they're not doing well, but maybe they learned something specific or they were able to get a cert. That's really helpful. So parents can really model how proud they are of their kids no matter what path they're pursuing through not worrying about GPA or one upsmanship, but just really focusing on the actual results that they're getting and the work that they're putting in and the progress that you see your child making. So let's just recap this really quick to actually use these events well and also reduce the anxiety that you and your young adult feel when you go about the questions and judgment from friends, families, cousins, et cetera, about what your child's doing and how they're doing it.

Hannah Maruyama [00:08:56]:
Just have them go in knowing exactly what they're doing with their action they're taking now, their short term goal and then their long term vision of the future. And then have them talk to three people, maybe family members, who they kind of know what they do, but they really don't. And then have them follow up with those people and ask about opportunities that maybe they talked about or just maybe available at their company or at their job. But just because someone is a family member, member or friend doesn't mean that they might not be the best option for your child to get an in. Oftentimes your network is actually the most powerful thing that you have. Their next best job lead might be standing next to the potato salad. So just have them really ready to explain what they're doing now, how that's going to accomplish their shorter term goals, and then the long term vision for the future that they're trying to get to so that they are able to tell their story, talk about their actions, and talk about the plan that they're following, so that it shows that they have real vision that and that they're actually doing real work. This also really just helps them spark the conversation.

Hannah Maruyama [00:09:49]:
Good luck at the cookout, good luck at the barbecue, and really just have your child's back because they are doing something incredibly difficult work that many college graduates are pushing off into the future. And the way that you can support them now is by saying, hey, I know what you're doing. I know the work you're doing now. I know how it's going to get you to your short term goal, and I know how it's going to serve you long term. And just show that you're proud of them. Good luck.